Emotional Cleansing

I stared into space wondering what to write for an article about remaking your life. I stared into space for a while when I realized that my thoughts had drifted to the many changes taking place in my life. My attention had shifted to thoughts of selling our home and the impending packing and moving, my husband's career change, uprooting my health centre to a new location, completing my book in the space of only several months in the midst of all this chaos, and of course, the financial worries that accompany this intense amount of upheaval.

Only several months ago, my husband and I took stock of the things about our lives that we loved and the things we would love to change. Now, we were head over heels in the midst of those changes, feeling tense, nervous, and hopeful that all our effort would lead us to the life we imagined without leaving us too exhausted in the interim. I reminded myself with the sort of positive self-talk you read about these days that everything would be great. Being mostly an optimist with an occasional, ok, maybe somewhat common tendency to worry, I convinced myself that our already great life was about to become greater still, no matter the bumps and bruises on the road between.

Someone once said that the only certain thing in life is change. That change was constant, I knew too well. We can go with the change, kicking and screaming, or we can look at life as full of surprises, with an occasional bump or bruise-minor battle scars that lead us to the life of our dreams. We all have the option to jump out of the secure life we know into the unknown or we can sit and hope that if we stay very, very still, somehow life will improve.

This month I would like to share some of the truisms I learned as I overcame disabling illness, a serious spinal injury, lousy relationships, and more to rebuild my life into something that more closely resembles the life I imagined for myself, albeit with scars and wounds that are still healing and still more work to be done. I call these truisms "Emotional Detox Principles." If you would rather complain and whine about the life you've been handed and maybe invite some friends and family to celebrate alongside you in a pity party, you need not read further. But, if you want to remake your life, whether it be your career, health, relationship, or just everything, you will want to work with these Principles and make them part of your day-to-day life. They may not always be easy to embrace and there will be moments along your journey that you may question the effort, but persistence will have life-transforming effects.

Emotional Detox Principle #1:
You are the Director of Your Life

This is an empowering principle or it can feel like a tonne of bricks hitting you depending on where you are in life. We've all had moments of being victimized by our circumstances but the people who make significant life improvements are those who refuse to fall prey to self-pity. If you look around your life and do not like what you see, you can choose to feel sorry for yourself or you can recognize that somewhere along the way in creating your life, you may have gotten off track. We all do sometimes. To truly direct your life in the direction you want to go, you have to take full responsibility as the Director-with all the feelings of success and failure that accompany that role.

Emotional Detox Principle #2:
Real Life Changes Require Shifts in Attitude

You may have heard the adage, "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got." If you are content with everything in your life then continue what you always do but if you want to change your life you need to change your attitude and the things you are doing. Proust said, "The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeing new landscapes but in having new eyes." Shift your view to be one that is positive and you'll be amazed at the discoveries you make along the way. A positive outlook makes a tremendous difference and can help you to totally transform your existing life into the life of your dreams.

Emotional Detox Principle #3:
Be Honest With Yourself

If you don't like something in your life, have the courage to be honest with yourself. This is more difficult than it seems sometimes. We often delude ourselves into accepting aspects of our life so we will not have to put in the effort to make changes. Honesty is an integral part of remaking your life into the life you would like to have.

Emotional Detox Principle #4:
Nurture and Respect Yourself

The Upanishads may have stated this Principle best, "The little space within the heart is as great as the vast universe. The heavens and the earth are there, and the sun and the moon and the stars. Fire and lightening and winds are there, and all that now is and all that is not." You are greatness personified. Treat your body, mind, and spirit with the respect they deserve. If you love yourself, don't feed your body junk, don't accept emotionally or physically abusive treatment, and don't accept less than you deserve.

Emotional Detox Principle #5:
Today's Thoughts and Actions Create Tomorrow's Reality

I recently asked one of my clients, "Who is thinking the thoughts of uncertainty, questioning whether you will ever recover from your illness?" Her response is obvious-she is the only thinker in her mind. While there may be plenty of social conditioning that affects us, we are the only ones who can choose to accept thoughts and ideas as part of our reality. You are the only thinker of your thoughts. Those thoughts will create your reality. If you don't like the reality your thoughts are creating, change your thoughts.

I am still amazed with the number of people, even medical doctors, who tell me, "I don't believe that thoughts or emotions play a role in a person's health." The research that proves this connection is voluminous. This is not about believing. This is PROVEN. Saying something like that is so ignorant that it is almost like saying, "I don't believe in electricity because I can't see it." You can still reap the beneficial effects of electricity without having an understanding of its inner workings.

What you think and feel you become. Research even shows that thinking and feeling compassionate thoughts produces measurable changes in the electrical activity of the heart.
A recent study by Dr. Suzanne Segerstrom at the University of Kentucky on the role of stress and the immune system in first-year law students found that those students who remained optimistic under stress had more helper T cells and more effective killer T cells (two indications of a strong immune system) than pessimistic students.
Want to feel great? Start thinking positive thoughts and expressing positive emotions.

Emotional Detox Principle #6:
Celebrate Success

Celebrate every success along your journey, no matter how small. A friend of mine laughed at me because every time I had a seemingly small success in my life, I would celebrate, not with decadence and overindulgence, but with small things that I enjoyed. I would take a moment out of my day to enjoy some soy chai (Indian spiced tea), cook up my favourite healthy dinner (yes, healthy dinners can taste great too), have a long aromatherapy bath or take a break from my day to share my success with my husband (and my life's best cheering section).

Choose small things that you enjoy to celebrate every success along your journey. Of course, it is important to choose things that are healthful. Going out for beers with the guys to celebrate every small success would violate Principle #4: Nurture and Respect Yourself.

Also, it is important to celebrate other people's successes. If you choose to belittle people or diminish the success of others then you violate a significant Emotional Detox Principle and you will see limited success in your own life. Examine your life for areas where there may be hidden cynicism toward success. For example, many people believe that rich people are not good people, that they are snobs. That may be true of some rich people, but I have also met poor people who are snobs. Celebrate the success of others, including financial success.

Emotional Detox Principle #7:
Surround Yourself with Supportive and Positive People

Nobody needs someone kicking them down every time their life starts to improve, or worse, telling them, "I told you so" every time they hit an obstacle along the road to the life of their dreams. Life can be like a garden. If you don't weed it regularly, the weeds will overgrow the plants and flowers you're trying to nurture. The same is true of people. While everyone has potential to nurture the greatness within him- or herself, not everyone chooses to do that. Some people are downright negative or nasty. You only have so much time in a day. Choose to spend that time with people who are positive and support you on your journey.

Emotional Detox Principle #8:
You Get What You Give Out

Someone once remarked while I was out hiking that everyone I encountered on the paths smiled at me. That person then realized that I was smiling at the people I met. They were smiling back. I found that people are far friendlier when you are friendly to them. If you're always miserable, negative, or just barely tolerable, you will find that life hands you miserable, negative, or just barely tolerable experiences. Put on a smile and the world smiles back at you. Research even shows that you can trick your brain into thinking you are happy by smiling and telling yourself that you are. Before you know it, you are happy.

Emotional Detox Principle #9:
Share Your Success with Others

Share your good fortune with others, by sharing the Principles that helped you along your journey, by taking the time to help people in need, and by contributing to worthy causes. We are intricately connected with every other living being on this planet, and with Mother Nature. By sharing our success, it comes back to us many times over. I would like to share Gandhi's Prayer for Peace to help you on your journey, "I offer you peace. I offer you love. I offer you friendship. I see your beauty. I hear your need. I feel your feelings. My wisdom flows from the Highest Source. I salute that Source in you. Let us work together for unity and love."

Emotional Detox Principle #10: Keep on Trucking
There is a common expression among professional writers that the difference between success and failure as a writer has nothing to do with skill and everything to do with persistence. While skill is necessary in life, persistence to transform your life will be one of the greatest factors in your success.

Henry David Thoreau wrote, "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you've imagined." I encourage you to go confidently in the direction of your dreams. By doing so, you have a much better chance to live a fulfilling and happy life.